Episode 173: Leaning into your ADHD strengths – with Dr. Lola Day

The episode transcript is below.

Carolyn Kiel: Welcome to Beyond 6 Seconds, the podcast that goes beyond the six second first impression to share the extraordinary stories of neurodivergent people. I’m your host, Carolyn Kiel.

Carolyn Kiel: My guest today is Dr. Lola Day, a multi-passionate busy mother of 3, double boarded physician, podcaster and ADHD trained life coach and productivity strategist for women. She is also the CEO and Founder of LollieTasking, a coaching and consulting firm that teaches high achieving, easily distracted professional women how to accomplish their goals without overwhelm or their brain sabotaging their efforts.

On today’s episode, Lola talks about getting her ADHD diagnosis when she was in med school, which helped her realize how throughout her life, she had unknowingly compensated for the challenges and leveraged the strengths of her ADHD. She talks about the systems she put in place – the processes, people, structures and more — that helped her succeed, and how she became an ADHD trained life coach to help others build their own systems. She gives a few examples of those systems too. Towards the end of the episode, she also shares why some popular coaching and productivity techniques may work well if you’re neurotypical, but not if you have ADHD – and what people with ADHD may want to try instead.

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And now, here’s my conversation with Lola. Lola, welcome to the podcast!

Lola Day: Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to come here.

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah, so happy to have you here. So would love to learn more about your own personal journey with ADHD because you have ADHD yourself. So when did you, or how did you realize that you have ADHD?

Lola Day: You know, the funny thing, like in retrospect, obviously I’ve always had it. When you finally find out what ADHD is, you’re like, “huh! So that’s what that was.” But I actually found out about ADHD just by mere surprise. I was in medical school then, and it was, so for those of you guys who don’t know how medical school works, so we do four years of undergrad and we start medical school and medical school is four years. The first two years are in most medical schools, not all, but in most medical schools, there are like straight, you are in a class all day studying for hours, 20 hours. Crazy. Yeah. Basically it is like, you’re like drinking from a fire hose, right? Which is not amazing for ADHD folks. And then the second half of it is your third and fourth year are called the clinical years. That’s where you take everything you’ve learned your first two years, and now you’re seeing patients and applying it and actually using it appropriately. And a lot of people love the third and fourth years, obviously, right?

So at the beginning of my third and fourth year, I had a mentor and she was talking to me about, I think we were talking about a patient, and she was like, “you’re so insightful. The way you just think through it is so great. You’re so smart.” She was like giving me all these accolades. I’m like, oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And then she goes, “well, I bet you did very well on your board scores.” And your board scores, for people who don’t know, are like your standardized test, right? It’s like your SATs and your ACTs. You have something called the MCATs, which is the medical admission test you take before getting into medical school. But once you’re in medical school, they’re actually a series, I don’t, I mean, I graduated over 12 years ago now, but like back then, there was a series of three tests you have to take, I think it’s two now. And that lets you rank into different subspecialties and, just to make sure you’re you are good at what you’re teaching before they release you to the world, you know? So the first two years is a Step 1. The Step 1 is known as the hardest one, right? It’s a very, very long exam, very, very mentally draining. Long prefaces in the task, you know?

And I’ve always known that, oh, back then, my thought was I’m a bad test taker, right? I always said, oh yeah, I’m not smart. I just work hard. Right? So I knew I was a bad test taker. So what I used to do is I used to over study to compensate for my bad test taking. And I didn’t realize it was my way of masking it and compensating for my ADHD. And I, and I told her, I was like, “no, I got average, an average score.” Which I think was like 86%, so not bad! But for the amount of like time I’d spent studying it, it just did not match, you know?

And she was like, “I think you have ADHD.” She just said it like that.

Carolyn Kiel: Wow!

Lola Day: And to be honest, I was offended. I was like, what do you mean I have ADHD? I was top of my class. I was this, I was that. Again, the ADHD stereotype, right? Like I was like, I don’t have ADHD, you know? And she was like, “just humor me, go to student services, go get tested.” And I went because it was someone I respected. And you know, I was like, I’m just gonna go, just to let her know she’s wrong! Boy was I wrong!

First of all, it was one of the worst, like tests I’d ever taken. Like I could not sustain my attention. Like throughout the whole thing I was like, why? This is torture! You know? And when I went back for my result, he was like, “How did you survive the first two years?” Cause a lot of people that first two years is when we realize how bad things are. And I was telling him all these things I did, which I thought was normal. And he’s like, “most people don’t do that.” I was like, “what do you mean most people don’t study for 20 hours over and over and over again to solidify the information?”

And he was like, “you know what, I’m gonna refer to a psychiatrist.” And you know, so I went and I got medications for my next board exams. And my next board exams, I like blew myself out. And I was like, first of all, it started when I started studying. And I was like, “wait, this is how people think? You don’t have things flying in your head all the time?” That was when I first noticed that, oh, I didn’t realize most people don’t think the way I thought. Right? And then I did my exam and I was like, whoa.

And then I went through a grieving process, you know? Initially it was like, wow, okay, I’m not crazy, was my initial happiness. And then I subsequently went into, wait a minute. So I didn’t have to work as hard at, at work all these years to get to where I’ve been? And it was, I was a little depressed for a while. Right? And then thinking back to like elementary school, then I started going through all my papers and stuff. “She is amazing! But she daydreams a lot. She’s she’s awesome! She’s the top whatever in the class! But she does this.” You know? And I started like having all this flashback and even from family members, they’re like, “oh, Lola the dreamer.” That was my nickname. You know? And for, for my family was saying like, “oh, she’s very creative.” And I think that helped me, to be honest. It was never seen as quote unquote negative. It was always like, “oh my gosh, this girl can just like be in the cloud and come up with all sorts of ideas.” So I never really saw it as a negative.

Another thing I feel like helped me was that, you know how people talk about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is like the emotional side of ADHD? There’s always, there’s also the other side, which people don’t talk about, which is the recognition euphoria.

Carolyn Kiel: Mm-hmm .

Lola Day: And my family was huge on recognition. So I had a lot of positive drive. I loved to learn, so it was great. It helped me academically. And as you know, with ADHD, we go where our interest thrives at, and I was lucky that my interest was love of learning. So I would learn and study and I would like call my friends: “did you know that, blah, blah, blah!” And I love to learn and teach. And that was how I thrived, cuz I hyperfocused in my education. And now realizing that that’s your ADHD, you know?

Carolyn Kiel: Wow. Yeah. So that’s really interesting. When you were studying for all those hours, were you basically like, memorizing things? Or what was the process while you were doing that?

Lola Day: So, another thing I noticed about me was like, my working memory was horrible. I have always known that about myself. So I always externalized my, now I know what, what it is, right. I didn’t realize it then. But what I was doing was externalizing my executive function. And the way I learned was through connection. Like I will create a story around it. I was the queen of mnemonics. I will, I will create songs and I always made it fun. I also knew one thing about me was like learning how to be fun. Like any class where I was intimidated or I was scared, like, it just didn’t happen. Hashtag ADHD. Right? Like we thrive with positivity and not negativity. So for me when I would study, I loved to use mnemonics. I loved to use singing. Whatever association that would bring it together worked well.

Likewise, I remember in college, I loved like those classes where the exams were like writing essays upon essays upon essays, cuz I could put everything down versus multiple choice. Right?

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah.

Lola Day: So like, like those were the little sort of things that people thought I was crazy. Like whenever I would have a multiple choice, I’d be like, ugh, I don’t want that class. Cuz I knew me. I would make stupid mistakes. I would, you know, because of my impulsivity, like I wouldn’t read the whole question. I would just pick the wrong answer and I wouldn’t do as well. Not because I didn’t know the information, but because I was impulsive while I was answering my question.

But then when it was time to let’s say it was like a written, like, you know how you have like third and fourth year classes where your exam is like three questions that you have to write pages of pages, right? I thrived in that, cuz I could put everything I knew down. I usually would’ve had a story about it and it was fun. It was just like, oh my gosh, I’m writing about something I love doing, you know. I was of course called the nerd, cause they were like, I have never met anyone who enjoyed learning as much as you did. You know?

Carolyn Kiel: Mm-hmm.

Lola Day: That being said, when I was picking what specialty I wanted to go into, I went, I first became a pediatrician. Then I became a pediatric cardiologist. So I’m a pediatric cardiologist and a fetal cardiologist. I chose pediatrics cause I love kids. Like every time I was there, I was always happy. Happiness makes me, changes me.

Carolyn Kiel: Mm-hmm.

Lola Day: And then I chose cardiology cuz cardiology is very physiology based, not, I mean, all of medicine is, but with cardiology you can think through it. It’s more plumbing and physics, you know, versus there’s some other specialties where it’s just like gross memorization. I knew my brain worked better if I had connection and there was a story behind it and I could think through it. So if a patient came to me now, based on their diagnosis, I could think through. Okay. Because one plus one equals two, like cardiology is very like math. I loved math growing up too. It’s very math and analytical and physiology based and most specialties, I will say, I would say it’s one of the number one. Like cardiovascular system is literally plumbing. Right?

Mm-hmm.

So like looking back, everything just kind of made sense. Like, oh yeah. That’s why I went more towards this. I would say as a child, I was very intuitive and very introspective about myself. As you know, most people with ADHD are amazing at strategizing. And whenever I would realize that, oh, this doesn’t work. My answer was never, woe is me. My answer is like, okay, what can I do to make it work? And I will come up with other strategies.

Carolyn Kiel: Wow. It seems like you really, you really knew yourself very well, even before realizing that you had ADHD. You had a lot of insights and really understood how you learned and how your mind worked. So when you were studying still to become a doctor, I don’t know that much about medical training, but I think there’s like a schooling part. And then there’s like either a part where you’re doing rounds or you’re out applying the knowledge. So what was that like for you? I imagine it’s very different from sitting in a classroom.

Lola Day: Absolutely. I thrived. Okay. So the schooling part, I was very fortunate in that when I was in medical school, my medical school, there were certain things that you have to be in class for, but majority of it, you could like listen online. So what I would do is I was always a day behind in studying. So most people were Monday through Friday. I was Tuesday through Saturday. So I would go in early at like 6:00 AM in the library, open all the things that were recorded from the day before and listen to it, believe it or not in one and a half speed.

Carolyn Kiel: Mm-hmm.

Lola Day: Cause that was the only way I could like sustain my attention and I would actually finish those studies without interruption. Cause what I realized my first six weeks of medical school was quite difficult for me because I was easily distracted. I would daydream as a teacher talked. It just wasn’t helpful. So I had to set them like, okay, what do I need to do? So I figured the, the required class, I went. The classes that were not required, I would just go to the library at like 6:00 AM in the morning. And I was literally done with quote unquote school by like 10:00 AM. Cuz I would listen to all the classes from the day before.

And then from like 10:00 AM to like 7:00 PM, I would study those materials and come up with ways to like, get it to solidify and interesting. Right? So like people thought I was crazy, but I actually enjoyed it. Like I loved that act of coming with it. And when I talked to parents today, I was like, you have to somehow find a way where your child will love school. Right? Telling them school is good for you is not going to work. It’s something they have to, in their hearts of heart, have to believe that I love this. This is fun. Right?

Carolyn Kiel: Mm-hmm.

Lola Day: And it’s loving. It’s interesting. And it’s great. And that was something that I had as a child that helped me throughout my life, to be honest. I think if I hated school, I don’t think I would’ve survived as a physician, just being real, to become a physician. And I don’t think it’s that I’m any smarter than any other person out there. It was just that I was able to use ADHD to my advantage without even knowing it. Right? Most people can do the hyper focus and, and learning that I did not even realizing. And I said like, I don’t see why you guys can’t study for 10 hours? You should be able to study for 10 hours, you know, like stuff like that.

But I would say after that, I would crash. Like I would go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. But then I would go home and just crash. Like I didn’t go out to party. I would just sleep till the next day and then carry it over again the next day. So, it was something that helped. Then when I got to the clinical part, that was even way more fun for me, cuz I really didn’t need to study as much. So like all those things I had created, all those strategies I had created, now I was applying it. You know, I was going and I was actually meeting people. I love meeting people and talking to people. And in my, in my clinical years, it was way more easier for me than I would say my preclinical years.

Carolyn Kiel: Wow. Yeah. I could see that.

Yeah, so, you basically went from being a cardiologist and working in pediatric medicine to becoming a life coach around ADHD. And I don’t even know if you still practice medicine right now?

Lola Day: I still practice!

Carolyn Kiel: Oh, my goodness. That’s a lot and I don’t know how you manage all of that.

Lola Day: Yeah. And that’s part of what I teach people.

Again, I say I fell into coaching. It wasn’t something I had planned to do .So with everything in my life, right? Like I’ve always known strategies worked for me. I’ve always known I have to externalize my executive function. So a lot of my girlfriends saw me as, oh my gosh, she has her life together. They didn’t realize that the reason why I was so organized, the reason why I always had my planner, the reason why I always had all the stuff was because I had gone through multiple things and realized that when I didn’t have that, my life fell apart. You know? So it was more of a necessity for me than, you have to do it. And the way I say to them is like, it’s my medicine. Like a diabetic needs insulin, that externalization is necessary for my ADHD.

But this is prior to a lot of people didn’t know I had to ADHD for the longest. Right? It was like that secret you kind of kept to yourself. You didn’t tell anybody. And. I think it was when I started having children. And most women would tell you there’s something that happens when you start having children. Those things you’ve put in place, those scaffolding that you did when you were single, you didn’t really have to worry about anybody but yourself, starts to fall apart. And you have to like, reevaluate, like, whoa, what’s going on? You know, like my memory got worse. My executive function skills, like I wasn’t like keeping to my schedule the way I used to. Like a lot of things just started falling through the crack and now I have a baby to worry about, not just myself.

And there was like a six month period where I literally feel like my life was shattered. And then it occurred to me prior to that for like 10 years, maybe not 10, like seven years. I knew I had ADHD, but I stopped taking my medicine. I was using the strategies and they were working well for me, you know? I’m different. Everybody’s different. Whenever I would take my medicine then, I just felt like, I actually love being in the clouds. Right? And like, and I wasn’t in the cloud as much. So I would only take it during periods of tests where I knew that, okay, you need to take it. Anyway, so like I had not forgotten I had ADHD, but just like put it to the side.

And then for that six months, I just couldn’t figure myself out. And I was like, oh my gosh, duh ADHD. You know? So I went back, got back against with a psychiatrist and we talked a little bit, got to a therapist and she was like, “I mean, how did you come up with what you did the last time? Like when you were younger? You’re in a new phase of life and you just have to create new systems that work for you now.” And we worked together and I created all my systems that I use. And then I realized that, oh, well, I actually have more time . You know? I tell people, once you have structure, structure creates freedom, you know.

And some of my girlfriends would be like, how do you do all this stuff? Again, multi passionate is our second name with ADHD.. So like, I would bring my friends over and I’ll teach them different systems, still not telling them I had ADHD, you know? And then after that, people are like, you know, I’ll pay you. Doing like VIP sessions for like doctors, lawyers, and they’ll come for like a weekend to Orlando, I’ll help them create like what I would call like their family hub, like basically systems for them. And that worked very well.

And then I realized there was a common theme. A lot of these women had ADHD.

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah, I was gonna ask.

Lola Day: And I finally told one of them cuz we’d get into this ruminating phase, like one of my coaching session. She was like, you wouldn’t understand and da, da, da, da, da. And I was like, actually I do. Cause I have ADHD. She’s like, shut up. No, you don’t! You know, and I was like yeah, I do. And I had to bring my medicine out and show like, prove it. She was like, what! But you’re a pediatric cardiologist.

And I think at that time it hit me because I’ve always wondered, like, why did God give me this diagnosis? I’m very, I’m Christian and faith filled. And then for whatever reason, it hit me. You need to show people it’s possible to thrive with this diagnosis. That’s your purpose, you know?

So through that, then I started like coaching women through it without actually like being like a formal coach. Like I still didn’t tell people, like, if they would tell me then I’ll give them like strategies and stuff and teaching them like, you know, ADHD lens. And then I realized that there were a lot of nuances that people didn’t even realize was ADHD. And then as a physician, I was like, wait a minute. I don’t even think they taught us a lot of those nuances in medical school. So I decided to go back to coaching school, life coaching school that was ADHD specific. I did ADD coaching academy. So it’s a life school but with coaching. And what I tell people is like, it’s like me being a pediatrician and then I specialize in cardiology, same thing. I’m a life coach, but my specialty is ADHD. So I went through that and now I’m actually back getting my master coaching.

And it’s been amazing. I’ve learned so much. I love helping women. I do have limited one on one. Again, boundaries, right? Cuz I still practice as a physician. So I do ADHD part-time and I’m a physician full-time.

Carolyn Kiel: Wow. That’s a lot, cuz yeah, you’re a physician full-time you said you’re a coach part-time but you’re also like a, a mom of three and you have a podcast and like all the other things going on in your life. So the systems that you talk about, clearly that must be helping you to, you know, organize your time and your life to give you the time and the structure in order to be able to do all of these things. Were these things you were able to put into place after you found out that you had ADHD or are they kind of part of your life coming up to now?

Lola Day: Yeah. So one thing I tell people is that when you get to different levels of your life, you have to reevaluate your systems. I actually reevaluate my systems every six months, and see what is still working, what is not working? Cause what ends up happening sometimes is we create the systems and we expect it to work for life. And that’s just not realistic. Right? Even from when my kids were like little toddlers, the systems I used then is totally different from now when they can now do their own calendaring, right? So like now I’m teaching them things I used to help them do. You know? So you, as a individual need to say, these are the systems that I have created. Is this still working for me in this stage of my life I’m at? So the systems I used when I was just a physician and a mom with little, little kids is totally different from the systems I’m using now as an entrepreneur and a physician and school age kids, right? Like homework needs to be done. Like now doing activities, like all this stuff.

And the most important thing is, one, when creating a system is realizing exactly what you want. A lot of times people create systems and, and they just start with, I need to do A, B, C, D E F G without actually like truly saying, what exactly do I want out of myself? My family, my body, my children, like what is that? And I call it focusing on your own lane and staying in your own lane in what you’re good at. So I’m really, really good at staying at my lane in what I’m good at. And I’m excellent. I, I say I’m a certified delegator and everything else that is not in my lane, I do not have one shame delegating.

And delegation does not necessarily mean you pay somebody. It could mean delegating part of something else, that way you can focus on other stuff. So my business, for example, I tell people all the time in my business, I’m the chief visionary officer and that’s where I thrive in my business. I love coaching. I love talking to people. I love coming up with strategies of our business. Do I like posting online? No. I love recording my podcast, but do I have to be the one to actually post it? No. Right? So those are the kind of systems you have to create to say, okay, what is it that I like to do?

Because again, ADHD is an interest and value driven diagnosis. So do the things that you are actually interested in doing and delegate the things that are minutiae or mundane or boring, right? Cuz what we try to do sometimes is fit into this box of what everybody puts themself. But you are not everybody. You’re an amazing unique person. And I , I tell my clients all the time. I’m like, it seems like you’re fighting against the wind and you’re not going to win. Like, you have to accept that, I have ADHD and my ADHD comes with this. So I’m gonna lean into that. Cuz looking back and I say, what made me thrive to get to where I got to? It was because I leaned into my strengths of my ADHD. I leaned into my hyperfocus. I leaned into my love of medicine. I leaned into those stuff.

For example, my sister loved drawing, right? I tried to draw, but I didn’t like it. I give it up in two seconds. It would be very dumb of me if I like continued taking art classes. Because it wasn’t gonna go anywhere. There’s no way I would draw for 20 hours, uh, no. But then I have friends who have ADHD that love drawing and they can literally stay in an art studio all day creating the most magnificent things. So leaning into your strength and leaning into your interest, if you could do anything, it sounds so like, I mean, yeah, of course! But I really do tell people, like, find what you love and lean into it.

And I’m always a fair believer of, if you find what you love and lean into it, you can get paid with that. You could be the best in it. I mean, people like Simone Biles is an example. She has ADHD. She’s one of the best gymnasts we’ve ever seen. Michael Phelps is another one. He has ADHD. One of the best swimmers we’ve ever seen. Right? So they found their interest, leaned into it and became the greatest.

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah. And that’s, that’s powerful. As you said, it sounds so simple, but it takes a lot of self awareness to even know what you like, cuz I’m sure some people probably come to you as a life coach and are like, I don’t even know what my interests are. I don’t know who I am or what I like to do. Or probably any number of, of issues that, unfortunately, a lot of women face in the world where we wind up in certain roles and you lose yourself for a little while. So I’d imagine you probably help with that as well.

Lola Day: Absolutely. And I tell people that’s not something that you, you sit down one day and you know it, right? Sometimes it’s you going through some worksheet and sitting down and reflecting. Like I was talking to a client today and she’s like burnt out. And she was like, I don’t even know what I wanna do in my life. I was like, first of all you need to rest. Let’s start with that.

Carolyn Kiel: Mm-hmm.

Lola Day: Like, let’s start with that. Because when your brain is stressed, like our brain just doesn’t work well, when we’re exhausted and you know, it just doesn’t work well. So let’s start with that.

And then after that, there’s, there’s a series of things that we go through, like worksheets to, to help you juggle your brain and say, okay, what did I like doing, right? There’s something called the ikigai that I do a lot with my clients. It goes through like, what’s your passion? What’s your value system? What do you like to do? What can you get paid for? Right? Because you have to get paid for it. Because Orlando Utilities does not care that I like to do something if it’s not bringing money in, you know, cause the bills needs to get paid. And that’s the reality of the life that we live in. And going through all those practices. And just because you love something today does not mean you love it tomorrow. You know, like knowing when to say, okay, I think I’m good. Right? And again, that’s something with ADHD that can also be a problem, like fleeting loves, right? Going from one thing to another thing.

So going through all that, but inputting your value system and knowing the true reason, like the deep, deep, deep reason why you wanna do it can push you. Like I tell people, I always wanted to be a physician because I, from a young age, I knew I wanted to help little kids. And I would always envision myself as a, as a physician who was traveling and helping. So even when the going got tough, I had that to hold me and get me going. So like being able to create that scaffold for yourself is very, very important as well. So yes, know your interest. It sounds easy, but it’s actually quite hard.

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah, no, absolutely. Yeah. And you talk a lot about, you know, the importance of systems and having systems, and I guess you were describing delegation. It could potentially be one of those systems to focus on the things that you really like and try to either delegate or automate, or just like move away from the work that doesn’t energize you but still needs to get done. So I’d imagine it probably takes, it’s also kind of knowing what the right supports are that you need in your environment. Whether it’s a system or people to help you out with certain things or study skills or habits or things like that, is what it sounds like.

Lola Day: Absolutely. So, and even when I talk about system, the definition of system is an intertwine of different things, right? So part of the systems is people. Like who are your support system? You know, a lot of times we’re very individualized. Your support system could be a coach. It could be a mentor, it could be a friend. It could be, you know, everybody has support system. You need a support system. So there’s the who, right? There’s the where. Your systems also include, where would this happen, right? There’s a when. When is this going to happen? There’s a what, right? We go through all of those. And when we now create it in each aspect, then you get your true system.

Delegation is part of it. Your support system is part of it. Externalizing your executive function is part of it. So for example, one of the first system I create is the ability to be self full, right? Not self less, self full. Self care and wellness. That’s a first system we create. And one of the things we talk about is, when are you going to rest? Do you have a system in place to show that you are actually going to rest? You’re not just gonna talk about. You are actually going to do it. What systems are you gonna put in place for that? Do you have a Sabbath? Right? Sabbath sound very religious, but it’s a day of rest. And a Sabbath is not a day of catching up all the things you don’t do. It’s truly a day where you’re like, I’m just gonna lounge and sleep and get my brain together.

You know, I was talking to a client earlier and I was like, you know, one of the most underrated productivity hack or treatment, well I use treatment loosely, for ADHD is sleep. Your brain is going, going, going, going all day, right? And then instead of sleeping the eight hours, if you stay up all night, guess what? It’s still going, going, going, going. And that I kin it to a laptop that you’ve left on. You’ve worked on it for 24 hours. Guess what? It’s gonna overheat all of a sudden. It’s going to freeze. I don’t care if it’s a mac 2057, right? It needs rest. But when we rest, it’s that time where one, our memories are formed when we sleep. It’s also when our neurons are reconnecting, all those neurons. So I do a lot of like medical stuff obviously during coaching. That’s when all the neurons are forming together. And people will tell me, “oh my gosh, when I started resting, I, I started seeing my, my executive function was a little bit better. I still need medicine, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.” You know? So that’s a system around resting. What’s going to happen when you still have something to do? What’s going to be your hard stop? Those things that are ADHD friendly. I use a lot of positive psychology in my coaching as well, positive psychology and ADHD friendly tools to make sure that you actually do do those things, right?

And after you’ve created a system and you’ve done it so many times and it becomes automated. And automation is the goal of 90% of systems we create. Cause once you automate it, then your brain doesn’t have to think about it as much. and when your brain doesn’t have to think about it, guess what? Your executive function skill doesn’t have to worry about it. So that’s one less thing your ADHD brain is gonna sabotage you on.

An example for me is planning. I have a system I use for planning. There was a time I had to remind myself and, and put a, a timer and this and da da da da, just to make sure I plan. Now, I don’t even think about it. If I don’t plan, it’s almost like I forgot my watch. Oh my gosh. I have to plan. I haven’t planned. Right? Because now it’s automated. Now my body wants to do it even before I can think about it. So that’s the goal of systems. Like it’s going to be hard and I’m very strict. I’m like, yeah, we’re gonna work through it. But everything is an experiment. There’s no perfection. We’re gonna go through it. If it doesn’t work, then will come up with another strategy. What makes ADHD amazing is we have amazing strategy skills, so let’s put that to work.

Carolyn Kiel: Thank you for providing more information about the systems, cuz yeah, I never really thought of them that broadly, but it makes total sense that you would wanna build these into your, into your life, so that as you said, you don’t have to think about them and, and worry about them. And then it just becomes part of your routine. It’s less for you to be actively thinking about and have to force yourself to focus on.

Lola Day: Absolutely. And it’s so funny because when ADHD people hear structure, they say, “no, I’m free spirited. I don’t want structure!” But structure is how we thrive. The routine is how we thrive. So the question is, if you don’t want structure, maybe you’re trying to do a neurotypical structure that doesn’t work for your, for your ADHD brain. So you gotta do a ADHD friendly structure that your brain is more willing to do, and that’s why it’s important to work sometimes with a ADHD coach.

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah. And I’m curious how, like how some of the advice or coaching that is usually given to neurotypical people might be different from what someone with ADHD might need. Cause I’m imagining that a lot of the books and stuff out there are written for neurotypical people. I I’m just assuming, there’s so many out there. And some of that I guess could be helpful to neurodivergent people. But I guess if you have an example or something about a difference of something that works better for people with ADHD, that’s different from what neurotypical people might do?

Lola Day: Okay. I’m not gonna name the name of the book, but there’s this school of thought that if you think of something you have to do and it takes less than two seconds to do it, go ahead and do it so you can get it done. Have you heard of this? It’s called the two second rule or two minute rule, I think is what it’s called.

Carolyn Kiel: I haven’t heard of that one.

Lola Day: It’s very, very big in the productivity world for neurotypicals, okay? You can imagine how this does not work for ADHD. Because if I think of something that will take me two minutes to do, and I’m hyper focusing on something, if I draw my attention now to go do the two minute thing, guess what? I’m not coming back to the old thing I used to, supposed to be doing. Or let’s say this is the most important thing I should be doing right now. And then I remember there’s too many things that’s way more fun for my brain! Guess what? I’m gonna forget the other thing that I’m supposed to be doing. Right? So that’s an example.

Another one is this idea of doing the worst thing first.

Carolyn Kiel: Oh, I’ve heard of that.

Lola Day: I don’t wanna say the name of the book either.

Carolyn Kiel: Yep. I know that one. Yes. .

Lola Day: Yeah. So doing the worst thing first. Cause if you do the worst thing, then the rest is easy. Oh no, no, no, no, no. That doesn’t work for us because if we do the worst thing, first, it drains us, and our whole day is ruined. Like we don’t wanna do anything else. So what I actually encourage is, do the most interesting thing first. Do the easiest thing first. Because once you get that win, it motivates you to go to the next step and then the next step, and then the next step, right?

So like for my kids, for example, before we do homework, we do a dance party. And I was like, okay, let’s let’s see which homework do you wanna do? Which one is the easiest? We do that. We get it. We do high five. Yeah! We party! You know, again, I, I tell parents this all the time, homework time is not a battlefield. Let’s not do that. because once you turn homework time to a battlefield, your child is not gonna learn. I don’t care how many time you shout at them to learn, you gotta make it a dance party. We’re about to show people what we can do! It’s a party, right? I mean, not all kids, like I’m just using my kids for example, cause we love music and dancing. So you gotta see what your child likes. If your child likes games, gamify the homework. Make it a game. And that’s how you get through it. So you don’t start with the hardest lesson your child hates to do because based on that particular productivity test, if you get the harder one out, the rest will be easier. No, they’re gonna get burned down. They’re gonna have meltdown. In ADHD, we’re very negative. ” I can’t do anything!” We like to catastrophize everything. Like ” I’m the dumbest child!” Mind you, this same child is like the top of the class! You know, like,

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Lola Day: So those are the kind of things that it sounds good to most neurotypicals. And I have friends who do that and they swear by it. And I look at them and I’m like, Ooh. Even the thought of that gives me anxiety.

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah. Well, thank you for those examples. Those are great examples and totally makes sense in the context of ADHD, why that may not work for a lot of people.

Yeah, absolutely. Lola, I really appreciate you sharing more about your journey and and all the amazing things you do and, and the way that you help women with ADHD build those systems and live their lives in, in a more robust way and find themselves in the process. So that is like really awesome.

So how can people get in touch with you if they wanna learn more about your work or if they wanna listen to your podcast or, or things like that?

Lola Day: Absolutely. So my podcast, if you go on any podcast platform, and you search LollieTasking with ADHD. And Lollie is L O L L I E. Tasking is T A S K I N G with ADHD. You can find me subscribe there. And you can also, you can email me at hello at LollieTasking.com. Or you can also contact me on Instagram, that one is actually LollieTasker, which is L O L L I E T A S K E R. So I’m very open to chat. I, I get a lot of people send me messages, just like, “what do you think about this? And what do you think about that?” I will say in full disclosure, I may not reply you in 24 hours, but someone on my team would definitely reply you in 48 hours.

Carolyn Kiel: All right. Fantastic. I’ll put links to the podcast and your email and your Instagram in the show notes so that people can find it there.

Lola Day: Absolutely thank you so very much.

Carolyn Kiel: Yeah. As we close out, is there anything else that you’d like our listeners to know or anything that they can help or support you with?

Lola Day: Yeah. So one thing I always say, and this is more for the listener than for me. Whenever I end my podcast, I always finish it up with, just pick one thing from the episode and work on it. Cuz with ADHD, we try to overcomplicate things. Pick one thing from everything we’ve said and just work on it, and just see how it goes. If you need coaching or you just wanna have a conversation I’m always available for you guys.

Carolyn Kiel: Thank you. We appreciate that. Yeah. Thanks so much, Lola. It was great talking to you today.

Lola Day: Of course. Thank you so much for having me.

Carolyn Kiel: Thanks for listening to Beyond 6 Seconds. Please help me spread the word about this podcast. Share it with a friend, give it a shout out on your social media or write a review on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast player. You can find all of my episodes and sign up for my free newsletter at beyond6seconds.net. Until next time.